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Joke of the Day

"I misspelled ""marriage"" and Auto Correct changed it to ""mirage."" What do you know that I don't, Auto Correct?"

"It's like my Uncle said, no body, no crime Coworker: I only asked how your weekend was..."

"Whats the difference between toast and Frenchmen? You can make soldiers out of toast."

"In a parallel universe, a zebra is walking around her contemporary decorated house, on top of a skinned blonde chick with big hoops rug."

"TIL It is common for staff and surgeons to laugh hysterically during separation surgery to conjoined twins. Well it is side-splitting."

"Be myself? BE MYSELF?!?! You don't care if I ever get laid again, do you?"

"- Let's get wasted! - No, I have a good job now, a great woman I love, and it's time to grow up. - ???? - Just kidding, few min lol"

"What kind of jean's do Mario prefer? Denim Denim Denim."

"I'll need a weekend to recover from this weekend."

"One of my oldest friends is my receding hairline... We go way back."