227010

Joke of the Day

"Jesus drove a Honda but didn't talk about it. *""For I did not speak of my own Accord""* (John 12:49)"

"Christmas Stuff [all] So what's up with all of the Christmas ads and it's not even Guy Fawke's day? Like who thinks of this stuff?"

"Keep death off our roads Drive on the pavement. . ."

"I'm out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?"

"My girlfriend is so crazy she even traced down the girl who once kissed me in kindergarten."

"What do pirates use telephones for? Booty call"

"I told my kids I'd rather they ""pull the plug"" than let me live in a vegetative state dependent on machines. So they hid my phone charger."

"Two peanuts walked into a bar. One was assaulted."

"Life is a lot like a piece of toilet paper. You're either on a roll, or you're taking shit from some asshole."

"I feel like if there ever was a zombie apocalypse I'm so numb to them at this point I wouldn't even bat an eye."