173233

Joke of the Day

"I told my kids I'd rather they ""pull the plug"" than let me live in a vegetative state dependent on machines. So they hid my phone charger."

"*Ouija board begins spelling* H-A-V-E_S-O-M-E ""Ooooh, spooky"" G-R-A-N-D-C-H-I-L-D-R-E-N ""Dammit Grandma, haunt someone else"""

"So how did you die? Too long for here, read comments."

"Hormonal teenage daughter: Where do you want to be buried? Me: You mean after I die, right?"

"What did the throwing star say when I asked her if she could hit her target? Of course, I'm shuriken."

"Have you guys heard what kind of oil Fort McMurray is into these days? Turmoil"

"Theres no 'u' in family. Look, what Im trying to tell you is that youre adopted."

"Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible? A. Honda...because the apostles were all in one Accord."

"Josh Dugger more like Josh Diddler"

"How long does it take for a Somalian to shit? 9 months."