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Joke of the Day

"Life is a lot like a piece of toilet paper. You're either on a roll, or you're taking shit from some asshole."

"My ex-girlfriend was an opera singer. With her it was always ""me me me"""

"This Just In For News A man apparently, we assume, was black, and we assume, was shot, and we assume, by a police officer. More details, we assume, later."

"I was out when I saw a bIack man running with a TV. ""That looks like mine"" I thought, so I went home and checked but no, mine was still there, polishing my shoes."

"A philosopher says to the linguist... ""What if, instead of periods, woman had apostrophes?"" The linguist replied, ""They'd be more possessive and have more frequent contractions."""

"The Columbine basketball team hasn't been the same... Since they lost their two best shooters"

"I assume when I get put on hold after I call customer service it's because 2 guys are flipping a coin to see who pretends to be the manager."

"How can you tell a male dinosaur from a female dinosaur? Ask it a question. If he answers it's a male; if she answers it's female."

"Glad my dog is warning me about the child walking down the street catching snowflakes on his tongue. He seems sketchy."

"Will you tell you the story of the huge sad wall? I shouldn't, you'll never get over it."