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Joke of the Day

"I'm out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?"

"When I die, I want to go peacefully in my sleep like my dad did not screaming in terror like the passengers in his cab."

"An ad company friended me on facebook I guess you could say they wanted to ad me."

"Just spent $243.57 at the grocery store so the check out girl didn't think I was just buying KY and condoms."

"i went to a 5 Guys burgers and fries and there was only one guy. im just gonna say what were all thinking. the other 4 guys died at benghazi"

"If you like pina coladas / Getting caught in the rain / Drink this pina colada / It was caught in the rain"

"Do girls like globes without equators? I'm worried because mine is uncircumscribed."

"I'd rather look back at my life and say ""I can't believe I did that"" instead of saying,. ""I wish I did that."""

"What do you call a place that you put an arrested caucasian gang member in? A white blood cell."

"What's the difference between Usain Bolt and Hitler? Usain Bolt can finish a race."