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Joke of the Day

"[gf takes pregnancy test, starts crying] ""It's negative"" Lemme see it [reads] 'Not prego. Just fat. And ugly' Wow that's really negative"

"I love to go down to the schoolyard and watch all the little children jump up and down and run around yelling and screaming... They Don't Know I'm Only Using Blanks."

"About to eat at the Cheesecake Factory/commit a hate crime against my butthole."

"Are we stopping for ALL pedestrians now? I can understand kids & the elderly. But everyone else should be able to dodge cars."

"Did you hear about the two gay guys that got into a fight at the bar? They went out to the parking lot to exchange blows."

"Why was the alligator sad? It had a kiddie meal but didn't get a toy."

"Nothing says ""I enjoyed the taste of paste, fingerpaint, and crayons in first grade"" more than a potato chip bag opened from the bottom."

"Whats the difference between a jeweler and a jailer? One sells watches and one watches cells."

"The hour I lose from daylight savings time will now be multiplied by 6 as I try to change the time on the clock in my car."

"What did Mike Tyson say when he saw mold? That's growth."