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Joke of the Day

"The hour I lose from daylight savings time will now be multiplied by 6 as I try to change the time on the clock in my car."

"My 10 yr old daughter was saying how stressful life is but she did add ""well, at least I've managed to go 10 years without drinking"""

"*gets so drunk I grab a fish out of your fish tank and shakes it at you screaming ""WHAT KIND OF DOG IS THIS?!"" *"

"why are fish good astronauts? They love trouter space!"

"[Joseph checking in to hotel] ""Is there WiFi?"" Only in the stable *later to Virgin Mary* ""Honey, hotel was booked. Gotta stay in the stable"""

"To err is human... To arr is pirate."

"My doctor told my my stool was loose. I should have warned him about sitting on it."

"H: Well, the remote was definitely broken, so I went and bought a new one. Me: H: Oh, and it came with this 75"" television."

"Did you hear that Elon Musk announced plans for a restaurant on the moon? He said we can count on good food but no atmosphere."

"I'm not a god. I'm a regular guy who just happens to be immortal and perfect in every way. There's a difference."