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Joke of the Day

"I love to go down to the schoolyard and watch all the little children jump up and down and run around yelling and screaming... They Don't Know I'm Only Using Blanks."

"Why don't the British make computers? They can't figure out how to make them leak oil."

"One burrito looks at another burrito and says, ""you wanna fight?"" The second burrito says, ""nah"". The first burrito says, ""What are you, chicken?"""

"Hillary Clinton came out with a new campaign slogan in response to Sanders' ""Feel the Bern"" Its called ""Feel the Clit"""

"A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns.. But I soon realized that toucan play at that game."

"I brought a gun that shoots knives to a gun fight. Everybody was like whoa. We didn't even fight. Went to get nachos. Cool group of dudes."

"How do you know if somebody does crossfit? They are probably in better shape than you."

"What do liberals and homeless people have in common? They are always asking for change."

"I recently bought a pair of shoes from a drug dealer... I dunno what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day!"

"I had my first UFO experience this morning I walked into the kitchen and said to the missus ""Morning fat ass"". Next thing there were flying saucers coming at me from everywhere!"