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Joke of the Day

"I caught a man masturbating in my closet. Did not see that cumming."

"If a mathematician were to be any part of a kitchen which would he be? The counter."

"Hey venus flytrap got you a treat how bout a big ol juicy bug open your mouth..BOOM THATS A MILK DUD you're a plant you eat sunlight idiot"

"I may not show up to work on time, but dammit I leave early."

"What do you call an arrogant patronizing thief coming down the stairs? A condescending con descending."

"me: you know they never did catch the zodiac killer guy next to me on the bus: why do you keep saying that"

"NOT EVERYONE WAS KUNG FU FIGHTING, MOM. SOME OF US WERE TRYING TO BREAK IT UP."

"I don't like vegetables, so somebody told me to get a juicer. It didn't help. That thing tasted worse than the vegetables."

"I once met a Republican feminist She told me to Czech my privilege."

"Why arent koalas actual bears? They dont meet the koalafications."