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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between eating pussy and driving in fog? When you're eating pussy you can see the asshole in front of you."

"Telling my kids that the Titanic sunk because Jack and Rose had sex before marriage"

"Why was the road in so much pain? Because it has a carpool tunnel."

"To drown in a swamp would be a quite symmetrical way to kick the bucket ... Your life began when you were pushed out of a slimy hole, now it ends while you're getting sucked into one."

"Why are black people always telling each other to take a piss?"

"Kudos to Mattel for making Barbie reflect the average woman! I'm buying the one with massive student loan debt & a fear of cement trucks."

"How do you mess with a blind person? Leave the plunger in the toilet."

"""The past tense of LOL is not LOL'd, it's L'dOL."" - How I like to end a date with 18-25 year old girls."

"My middle finger is always ready to give you a standing ovation after you say something stupid."

"What's Sean Connery's favorite sport and when does he play it? Tennish"