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Joke of the Day

"My middle finger is always ready to give you a standing ovation after you say something stupid."

"When you are getting Old.... You know you're getting old when you stop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there."

"Many burn victims are not very attractive, But all of them used to be extremely hot at some point in the past."

"SCIENTIST: it's our thinnest toilet paper yet, sir. less than a picometer CEO: *rips it by breathing on it* put it in every public restroom"

"Q: How many graduate students does it take to change a light bulb? A: Only one but it may take him/her more than five years to do it."

"I don't have ""safe sex"" ... ... because I have never been turned on by anything with a combination lock."

"After a klose game with messi challenges and neuer goal scoring opportunities, ze Germans kept their cool and gotze World Cup that they deserved!"

"If you're American before you go in the bathroom and American after you leave the bathroom, what are you while you're in the bathroom? European"

"Note: When you cut jeans into shorts, remember to wear the top half, not the bottom half. lol. these denim calf warmers tickle my legs."

"Trying to make pancakes this morning and it turns out I didn't get the spatula in the divorce."