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Joke of the Day

"My middle finger is always ready to give you a standing ovation after you say something stupid."

"I was going to go as a worthless piece of garbage for Halloween... ...but then I realized I go as that every day of the year."

"Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? You're hot but you make me really uncomfortable, sometimes my underwear gets sticky and I get burned"

"I've agreed so much with my wife that my head just starts nodding at the sound of her voice."

"What does a jello shot and my dick have in common? They're both only meant to be consumed by dumb drunk chicks."

"What do you call people who use the pull out method as form of birth control? Parents."

"When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me $85 That's why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship EDIT: Didn't excpect to get this many upvotes. Thanks!"

"What does Michael Jackson do when he gets kids to the top of the Empire State building? Tosses them off."

"Wanna hear a joke about my cawk? never mind its too long"

"What is Mike Tyson's favorite song? Down With The Thickness."