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Joke of the Day

"Queen: ""come to bed"" King: ""not until i have a name for my soldiers"" Queen: ""k night"" King: ""babe ur a fukin genius"""

"What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas... hopefully with the exclusion of my money."

"Why did Hitler kill himself? . . . . He saw his gas bill."

"What ""D"" (dimension) should Marilyn Monroe's movies always be shown in ? Blon-D"

"me: I'm tired Medieval Physician: Ok I'm gonna cut you open to drain your blood me: Maybe I could rest MP: haha no I'm cutting your veins"

"How do you fit 4 gay men on a barstool? Flip it over."

"If you're afraid of elevators Take steps to avoid them."

"Two bros are sitting on a fence. A cute girl walks by who just moved into their apartment building. **Bro 1:** ""Bro, im gonna hit that."" **Bro 2:** ""Like a stormtrooper bro."" **Bro 1:** ""Bro."""

"Doc, I've got a problem. Every morning at 8 sharp I poop. Doc: ""How is that a problem?"" Me: ""I wake up at 9."""

"Why would Bill Cosby make a great lawyer? The proof is in the pudding"