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Joke of the Day

"How do we know God is not a woman? Because the Earth is not a sandwich!"

"Going to Walmart with my mom and kids is a great way to test if the Xanax is working! *eye twitches"

"How can a room full of couples be empty? There isn't a single person left! Bwahahahahaha"

"I'm at home eating grape jelly. That shit is my jam."

"Why didn't Darth Vader make it as a stand up comic? Fans thought his sense of humor was a little too on the dark side."

"""It's going to be amazing!"" No, it's not."

"How many terrorists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? none, they blew it up already."

"I'm glad Lassie wasnt my dog. I just want to watch TV, I don't want to be constantly rescuing people."

"Why do Nazis hate Canadian summers? They're mostly Julys."

"Sometimes I try to eat healthy but my stomach's like ""what if you die tomorrow?"" and I'm like ""good point"" and I have a whole pizza."