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Joke of the Day

"Sometimes I try to eat healthy but my stomach's like ""what if you die tomorrow?"" and I'm like ""good point"" and I have a whole pizza."

"FEmale The original iron man. (clever feminist joke I read on a T-shirt. Not actually a huge feminist.)"

"Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: ""Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been!"""

"The detective said it was ""super fucking weird, but not illegal"" to rub Rogaine on my daughter's back every morning."

"""I think we should start touching other people."" -Blind couple breaking up."

"Why are all italian men named Tony Because when God made them he stamped TO NY on their foreheads"

"What do you call someone who is rude and has no corners? A circle-jerk."

"Why can't americans play LoL? They can't guard their towers."

"Wanna hear a joke about eye fluid? It's vitreous humor."

"If God doesn't want us to masturbate... then why does he always make one sock disappear in the dryer?"