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Joke of the Day

"I've only been in jail for 5 minutes and I've already been raped. ... My uncle doesn't fuck around when he plays Monopoly."

"What do you call a top-ranking Mexican dude that oversees everything? Senor Manager"

"Mother's have mother's day and father's have father's day. What do male redditors have? -Palm sunday"

"Walter Jr. had to use both feet to operate the pedals. He was braking bad."

"I see your swag and I raise you a high school education."

"A new prisoner meets Elsa in his new cell... A new prisoner meets Elsa in a cell in the prison. He asks her: ""Why are you here?"" And Elsa answers: ""Because they don't let me go."""

"What did Lewis and Clark only have one sack of on their expedition? Jawea"

"I told my dad I had diarrhea He said don't worry son it runs in your jeans"

"A guest at a restaurant asks the waiter... ""do you have lobster tails?"" The waiter replies: ""Of course! Once upon a time, there was a little lobster....."""

"I've got money left over for condoms or lottery tickets. I'm trying to calculate the odds."