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Joke of the Day

"Walter Jr. had to use both feet to operate the pedals. He was braking bad."

"Light a fire for a man, he'll be warm for the night. Light a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life."

"Lost my first follower today. Funeral is Tuesday. Will be live tweeting. It's what he would have wanted."

"Snow's starting to melt. Soon I'll have to rake the leaves from last fall and do something with the dead panda. I told the kids he ran away."

"Why are DJ's so bad at fishing? Because they're always dropping the Bass."

"LeAnn Rimes No, it doesn't."

"Did you hear about the gangsta proctologist? Apparently he busted a capillary in someone's ass."

"Parent/Child conversation tweets are always so cute & sweet! Thought I'd try one: 18: Can I borrow the car? Me: No Wasn't that adorable?!"

"Imagination: because if I fcuked you as much as I thought about it, we'd both be unemployed."

"What did the psychiatrist say to the man who walked into her office wearing only cling wrap? I can clearly see you(')r(e) nuts."