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Joke of the Day

"What gets easier to pick up as it gets heavier? Women."

"My new book I wrote on Poltergeists is flying off the shelves."

"Uhm, excuse me waiter... I'd like to return my food. It only received 5 likes on Instagram."

"STEWARDESS: omg the plane's about to crash but the SOS message can only be 140 characters! what are we going to do?? ME: *slowly stands up*"

"How do you find Will Smith in a snow storm? Just check for fresh prince"

"I was arrested yesterday for stealing eggs. I could've sworn they were free range."

"Why is Santa's sack so big? He only comes once a year."

"I just got an email offering ""free bible verses"". You know, because who can afford bible verses?"

"If no one comes from the future to stop you from doing it than how bad of a decision can it really be?"

"Okay stranger, it's clear that we walk at the exact same pace, speed up or at least hold my hand."