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Joke of the Day

"What gets easier to pick up as it gets heavier? Women."

"I don't like holocaust jokes ...because my grandpa died in the holocaust. He fell off a guard tower."

"You could film me for a month and still not have enough footage for a 30 second 'Rocky training' typed montage of my productiveness at work."

"It's fine when Santa does it, but when I see you when you're sleeping & know when you're awake it's ""creepy"" and ""sir, you're under arrest"""

"A bunch of black dudes were standing in front of my gardening equipment. Bros before hoes."

"I'd say 20% of my day is spent trying to convince the dog we're not about to be murdered by the UPS guy, mailman, squirrels, ice dispenser.."

"What idiot named him Spider-Man instead of Peter Parkour?"

"A black man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. Bartender says, ""wow where did you get that?"" Parrot looks at him and says ""Africa, there's millions of them."""

"A friend bet me I couldn't piss in a Dyson Airblade Boy, did that blow up in my face."

"So I just made a new awesome mod! $4 to download and plus new content coming next week for $5 more!"