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Joke of the Day

"STEWARDESS: omg the plane's about to crash but the SOS message can only be 140 characters! what are we going to do?? ME: *slowly stands up*"

"What is something that Ronda Rousey and myself both have in common? We only last 48 seconds."

"There are 2 types of people in the world... Those who can extrapolate conclusions from incomplete data..."

"What do North Korea and my girlfriend have in common? Neither want me coming inside them."

"A guy goes to a record store to pick up a Meshuggah CD... but he can't because it's too heavy."

"I traveled all the way to Hollywood and didn't even meet any celebrities. Boy, was I star-craving mad!"

"If I had a time machine I'd go back and give myself a bunch of incorrect lotto numbers, and teach myself the value of hard work."

"What do you call a cow that plays the guitar? A Moosician!"

"What did the two narwhals say at midnight? Nothing, they just baconed."

"Spanish fireman has twin boys, he names them Jose and Hose B"