22604

Joke of the Day

"Catch Up or Catch It What do you do meet an old friend? What do you do when someone throws a ball? What do you put on a hamburger? What do you find in a litter box?"

"What if Harambe was shot by a time traveler trying to prevent Planet of the Apes"

"How many girlfriends does it take to change a lightbulb? I don't know..."

"Thank you, iPhone predictive text, for sending my mother a message that said ""WOOOOFUCKYEAH!"" There's no joke here except I'm 30 & grounded."

"I just read a book about Stockholm syndrome. It was pretty bad at first, but by the end I kinda liked it."

"I'm only leaving the house today so my selfies will have new backgrounds."

"Barber: What would you like today? Me: Make me look attractive. Barber: CAROL! CANCEL ALL MY APPOINTMENTS!"

"Pal - ""Can you help me put this IKEA desk together?"" Me - ""I'll need a screwdriver."" Pal - ""Sure what type?"" Me - ""Greygoose or Kettle One."""

"[leaving HS reunion w/ date] Aren't you going to ask why everybody was calling me 'smelly boy' tonight? ""Seemed pretty clear I thought"""

"""I think we should-"" Kiss under the moonlight? omg we finish each other's sentences! Hairdresser: was gonna say trim the sides a bit shorter"