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Joke of the Day

"""I think we should-"" Kiss under the moonlight? omg we finish each other's sentences! Hairdresser: was gonna say trim the sides a bit shorter"

"(NSFW) What do crocs and a blow job from a dude have in common? They both feel good until you look down."

"The First rule of Chuck Norris is: you do not talk about Chuck Norris."

"[NSFW] My priest told me I had to stop masturbating. I asked, ""Why?"" He told me, ""The confessional is getting all sticky."""

"What's the difference between a turkey sandwich and a ham sandwich? A turkey sandwich doesn't recognize the Armenian genocide"

"*licks the powdered sugar off the donuts and puts them back* Boss: I kinda like these new low-cal donuts. Real moist."

"What kind of bees are sometimes filled with milk? BOO-BEES! (boobies)"

"I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car."

"There is a big fat naked guy and another naked guy behind him who has a big nose. The front guy turns around, what happens to guy behind? He broke his nose."

"I hope I never have to produce an alibi...cause eating salsa in bed with my cat every night would never hold up in court."