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Joke of the Day

"TIL that I was born exactly 9 months after my Dad's 32nd birthday... and my mom gives awful birthday gifts."

"So Twilight jokes - What does a vampire call a used tampon? A teabag."

"i just bought a rape whistle... and the look on my victims faces is priceless."

"ME: im nervous GIRLFRIEND: dont be M: what are some of his interests GF: he likes football [later] GF'S DAD: nice to meet u M: *tackles him*"

"What's the difference between a microwave and anal sex? A microwave doesn't brown your meat."

"Me: Don't spit at your sister! 4: I'm a bunny. Me: Bunnies don't spit. 4: I'm an acid-spitting bunny."

"Aww, it's so cute when you try to talk about things you don't understand."

"Customer: Waiter I can't eat this meal. Waiter: Why not? It looks all right to me. Customer: I don't have a fork."

"YOGA CLASS INSTRUCTOR: And now we go into downward dog *loud thud GARY WHO IS A T-REX: I'm ok. I'm ok. It's just a bloody nose."

"How does Hitler like his steak? Nice and Jew-cy."