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Joke of the Day

"Sir your resume is just a list of songs you can play in Guitar Hero on expert ""yea"" Even trogdor? ""fo sho"" Alright, welcome to Led Zeppelin"

"Fitness guru just tweeted ""remember to breathe"" and it was pure luck that I got the message in time."

"I just got back from my best friend's funeral. He died after being hit on the head with a tennis ball. It was a lovely service."

"What do you call a butt-naked person on the moon? An Ass-tronaut"

"I have this horrible tofu joke I'm afraid to post... It's really tasteless."

"Q: How many Librans does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Er two. Or maybe one. No --- on second thoughts make that two. Is that okay with you?"

"What do you call transgender superheroes? X-Men."

"When my doctor diagnosed me with surrealism I didn't know what to candle wax forest upside down volcano coffin."

"They say attractiveness is relative... my cousin seemed to disagree"

"I have a new job. I'm a dressing room attendant for dancers at a strip club. $300/week. That's not much, but it's all I can afford."