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Joke of the Day

"They say attractiveness is relative... my cousin seemed to disagree"

"Learning to write jokes is like when you first start having sex... You think it's easy and it's gonna make people happy but you end up just leaving people feeling confused and disappointed"

"Ben Carson is going to be our next president. Cause once you go black, you never go back."

"Television is a medium because anything well done is rare."

"What do you call a cow that has had an abortion? Decaffeinated"

"I'm half Asian. All white people are. But my Cauc part is bigger."

"[office meeting] BOSS: Printer ink is costing us a ton. Any ideas on how to cut costs? SQUID: *looks up from phone* Why y'all lookin' at me?"

"People are always talking about how popular Steve Jobs was.. But I don't think he'll ever be as popular as his brother, Hand."

"Gave this artichoke the heimlich maneuver and now he's artiokay."

"What's the difference between jelly and jam? I can't jelly my foot up your ass."