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Joke of the Day

"If not for the cowardly actions of John Wilkes Booth, Abraham Lincoln would have turned 207 today."

"To Dig. I dig. We dig. He dig. She dig. They dig. It's not a very beautiful poem, but it's very deep!"

"I wish robot servants were affordable already."

"Overheard at the coffee shop: 'i think that guy is listening to our conversation'"

"If someone doesn't respond to your text within 5 minutes, they obviously don't love you anymore. Probably never did, react accordingly."

"The top 3 worst STDs according to logic... 1. A child 2. Feelings 3. AIDS"

"What did one tampon say to the other tampon? Nothing, they were both stuck up bitches."

"I wonder if when my dog follows me into the bathroom it's cause I follow him outside when he goes and he thinks that's how it works. Meh."

"How do you kill a hipster? Drown them in the main stream."

"I bought a new dog yesterday. I've named him Rolex.......he's a watchdog"