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Joke of the Day
"Couldn't remember the girl's name from last night so I brought her to Starbucks."
Next Joke
"My girlfriend and I were arguing and she asked me to see things from her point of view So I went to the kitchen and looked out the window."
"What is the difference between a Mercedes and a Lexus? Princess Diana wouldn't be caught dead in a Lexus..."
"""She queefed violently, immediately fogging the windows of my Volvo wagon. I knew then I belonged to her."" - from my new novel, NIGHT SOIL"
"How am I supposed to make great life choices when I still use my fingers to count and sing the whole alphabet to see what letter comes next?"
"*waits until you fall asleep* *tests out his new retractable air horn*"
"What do you call a fear of big boobs... HerRackNaphobia"
"God finally answer my prayers for winning the $15 million lottery. The answer is no."
"What is something that everyone overlooks no matter how hard they try not to? Their nose"
"[getting car jacked] umm i know i'm supposed to resist and all but if we don't cooperate we're both gonna miss McDonalds breakfast so hop in"