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Joke of the Day

"[NSFW] If you can only say nigger if you're black I guess I'm black now?"

"I'm so glad that Twitter keeps track of my number of posts. It is so refreshing to be able to properly quantify my wasted time."

"I WILL NOT click on your tinyurl link, no matter what people are saying about me."

"It turns out there IS a natural birth control that's 100% effective. You have to more than just careful with it... Fact is, you have to be totally anal."

"Why did the old man buy his wig at the thrift store? Because he didn't want toupee."

"If swallowing battery acid mixed with Dr. Pepper doesn't turn you into a wizard, then call me an ambulance."

"You can never really be alone... Except if you don't have a smart phone."

"I've stopped asking what the meaning of life is. My question now is: ""Why do only technologically-challenged people use self-check-outs?""."

"How many anarchists does it take to change a lightbulb? Trick question, anarchists can't change anything."

"My dad just called because he was thinking of me & loves me. And THAT'S why I never danced on a pole. Well, that and I got too dizzy."