147323

Joke of the Day

"GOD: Eyelashes ANGEL: What do they do? GOD: Protect eyes ANGEL: And? GOD: Get into people's eyes. It's extremely painful. ANGEL: Are you ok?"

"I painted my computer black... thinking it would run faster but it just stopped working"

"We should let prisoners take their own mug shots...I shall call it ""The cellfie"""

"""Hey little pirate, where are your buccaneers?"" ""Underneath my buckin hat!"""

"NSFW - What do arrogant pricks and tampons have in common? ... They are both stuck up cunts."

"Me: I want a pet dragon! Life: HERE'S A CAT WITH IRRITABLE BOWEL SYNDROME."

"I was woken up today by a tap on my door Odd sense of humor my plummer has."

"I had mostly good days in school until.... PrinciPao was hired. Now it just feels like I'm being told what I can and cannot do."

"Why isn't ""cheating"" a relationship status on Facebook?"

"Just shoveled my sidewalk My neighbors dogs didn't seem too appreciative with all their barking and yapping. Or maybe they fucking loved it and I just don't speak dog very well."