225857

Joke of the Day

"Whenever someone says ""Let's kill two birds with one stone"", I wonder what they did wrong. Probably some kind of religious violation."

"""Dad!"" my shit says, right before I flush it."

"Lunatic escapes from an asylum, goes to a launderette where he rapes three women before running off into the woods. Next morning's newspaper headlines read.... # **NUT SCREWS WASHERS AND BOLTS**"

"I just ran over a tree, a 5'2"" blonde screaming tree with a purse."

"How many Americans does it take to screw a lightbulb? None. Their President outsources the job to India."

"There are two things a bloodhound can smell and can't smell A man's sweat and sweat"

"What do pirates and strip clubs have in common? Neither can get enough booty"

"So I tried catching some fog today... I mist."

"What did the window say when it was cracked? Well this is a pane in my glass."

"The other day I saw a guy with sin/cos on his arm... ... He had a really nice tan"