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Joke of the Day

"4: I'M GONNA RIP YOUR EYEBALLS OUT Me: Stop yelling violent things 4: *whispers* I'm gonna rip your eyeballs out"

"What do you call 1000 black people buried up to their necks? Afroturf Also, I'm not racist. I have two color tvs at home."

"Had to check IMDB to make sure there really aren't any more Shrek films in development. Now I can sleep."

"Do you ever get the feeling that you're being watched? Because if it's bothering you I'll stop."

"*cop bursts into bathroom* ""KID DON'T FLUSH THOSE DRUGS!"" *toilet is wearing shades* ""damn. we're too late"" *toilet rides off on motorcycle*"

"""Hi, my name is Gary and I'm a shopaholic, my favorite place to shop is the alcohol store."""

"I went to the funeral of the man who invented the throat lozenge. There was no coffin."

"Some people are like Slinkys. Not really good for anything, but you can't help but smile when they tumble down the stairs."

"Facebook does NOT need a dislike button. It's just gonna start more drama."

"People always freak out when I start playing their kid like a bass. It's like chill, you can play him like a bass too once I finish the song"