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Joke of the Day

"*Britney Spears releases a new fragrance* *the other dinner guests look embarrassed and pretend not to notice.*"

"My friend said that onions are the only food that makes you cry. So I killed his mom with a coconut."

"If you are reading this, you are not Floyd Mayweather."

"One time dad asked what my five-year plan was, and I said ""death or becoming a pirate king"" and he threw my cat Alan at me"

"What instrument do Mexicans hate? The TRUMPet."

"Tower: Have you got enough fuel or not? Pilot: Yes. Tower: Yes what?? Pilot: Yes SIR!"

"How can you tell if a witch is on a diet? Her food is potion-controlled."

"Be great if just once the winning actor was like ""I mean it wasn't a particularly strong group this year, but still."""

"DID YOU KNOW? You can feed a lot of squirrels into those pneumatic tubes at the bank before the teller finds the shut-off switch."

"at the grampys, about to anounce who won the grampy award. open envelope. its grandpa!!! you did it congratulations"