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Joke of the Day

"My friend said that onions are the only food that makes you cry. So I killed his mom with a coconut."

"""Do you need a ride?"" Me, to every jogger I pass in my car"

"No YOUR a grammar nazi!"

"""PIZZA"" IS ACTUALLY AN ANAGRAM... P - PLEASUREFUL I - INTERESTING Z - CANT THINK OF ONE Z - CANT THINK OF ONE A - ""AGG""-CELLENT"

"Can't decide if I'm feeling jacked, pumped, or amped. Might just be constipated."

"Shopping for bridesmaid dresses with 5 other women, today. If you never hear from me again, I committed suicide by nail file."

"What do you call the North Korean dictator? Seouless"

"Judge: How do you find the defendant? Jury Foreman: Well...I guess I just look right at him. Why -- isn't that how you do it?"

"If you love something let it go, if it comes back with a toddlers arm, it was probably a Pit Bull."

"If you ask me what my favorite rock band is and I'm being subjective, I'd say The Who. If I was being objective, I'd say it was The Whom."