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Joke of the Day

"Wife: Are you still tweeting about me being in labor? Me: Now I'm live tweeting ""The Walking Dead."" Wife: Me: Everything isn't about you."

"My parents are both bisexual, but I never really felt loved or wanted around the house. I guess I am a bit of a by-product."

"My husband believes my greatest accomplishment... is his last name."

"If I die, bury me with fire extinguishers. Because: Hell"

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Begonia ! Begonia who ? Begonia bother me !"

"An Asian boy come home from the doctor and he tells his dad... Son: Dad the doctor said I'm allergic to bees Dad: That good, now you can only get A"

"How did Harry Potter get down the hill? By walking. JK...Rowling."

"What did two twins name a towing company started in lower Manhattan? The Twin Towers."

"What's the best thing to come out of Oklahoma? Southbound 35."

"What's the best part about having sex with ninety-nine year olds? There's ninety of 'em."