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Joke of the Day

"I always looked up to my Grandad... I especially remember his last words. Stop shaking the ladder you little cunt!!!"

"What's the difference between a dirty bus station and a lobster with breast implants? One's a crusty bus station and the other's a busty crustacean."

"What's the difference between a politician and a flying pig? The letter F"

"Some guys robbed a bank, and to escape, they blew a hole in the wall... the police are looking into it."

"Some people probably think I tweet too much but maybe I'm required to tweet this much or else this bus will explode ever think of that"

"People ask me why I don't like spoons. Idk why really. They just seem pointless to me."

"There's only one problem with North Korea's miracle cure for AIDS and Ebola: The directions say the medication must be taken with food."

"I joined the DNA this week . . . The National Dyslexic Authority"

"I won't be satisfied until I have enough followers to form sects that fight about how to interpret My tweets until they kill each other."

"My life could benefit from a little more Stranger Danger and a little less Acquaintance Maintenance."