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Joke of the Day

"I always looked up to my Grandad... I especially remember his last words. Stop shaking the ladder you little cunt!!!"

"3yo: make me oatmeal me: *poof* you're oatmeal 3yo: me: *makes oatmeal"

"I was constipated today and cursed my butt with an appropriate word Asshole."

"The key to comedy? Perfect del ivery"

"Did you hear some people are saying listening to Queen causes autism? Apparently it's because of the unusually high Mercury content."

"Patient: Doctor! Doctor! My mouth tastes like the bottom of a birdcage! Dentist: Yes, I can see there's been a cockatoo in there."

"Roses are red Violeta are blue I have schizophrenia And so do I"

"What did the pig say when the wolf grabbed her tail? ""That's the end of me!"""

"I lost 12 pounds in a week. Good thing I'm not a big investor."

"Fatboy Slim announced that he's releasing a monthly cookie delivery service It's called 'Snack My Bitch Up.'"