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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a dirty bus station and a lobster with breast implants? One's a crusty bus station and the other's a busty crustacean."

"Why does Drake hate summer? Because you start wearing less and going out more"

"A stallion and a mare where due to get married but the stallion didn't show up at the church. He got colt feet"

"ALCOHOL. Because no one looks back on their life and remembers the nights they got plenty of sleep."

"When I ask for a threesome with you and your best friend, I am only joking... Unless the answer is yes... In which case, can I videotape it?"

"My mom bought me a bottle of whiskey as a Xmas gift... She seemed a little upset that I said she should've mailed it ahead of her visit."

"Just took my girlfriend to the movies and now I'm $10,000 in debt."

"What's your ringtone? That's nice. Mine's a light shade of brown."

"Got my left hand an awesome Valentines card and vibrating glove."

"Me: sandwich for lunch? 6yo: noooo!!! Me: how about salami, tomatoes, cheese & bread? 6: YES!! I win."