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Joke of the Day

"What are red heads good for? Lighting fires."

"*First Date Her: Why are we at Home Depot? Me: I wanted to see what it's like to pick out bathroom tile with you. See if this is worth it."

"So, I was bragging about watermelons look like to my friends now she says we cantaloupe."

"ME: Take care of my cat while I'm away? HITMAN: [screwing on silencer] No problem."

"A WASP goes into a clothing store to buy a suit. He asks a salesperson, ""How much is this one?"" The salesperson says, ""It's $1000."" The WASP says, ""I'll take it."""

"I asked for a ham and swiss, you gave me a meatball instead Woops, wrong sub."

"If you rub two sticks together fast enough, you'll eventually start a widespread panic on the subway."

"I was going to tell a salt joke... But it's just sodium stupid."

"Million Dollar Idea: Teach pugs to DJ, create a new genre of music...pugstep."

"Waking up an hour early gives you an extra hour to wish you were still in bed."