225662

Joke of the Day

"My superpower is acting like I'm trying to stop the elevator from shutting when more people are trying to get on without really stopping it."

"Why did 11 eat 12? Cuz 12, 13, 14"

"WHAT DO WE WANT!? CLEARED TIMES ON OUR MICROWAVES! WHEN DO WE WANT IT? 0:00!"

"What is a horny pirates worst nightmare? A small chest with no booty!"

"What's a Canadian's favorite number? Eight."

"A British man is visiting Australia. The man at customs asks him ""Do you have a criminal record?"" The British man replies ""I didn't think you'd need one to get into Australia any more."""

"If the free sample lady at the grocery store isn't handing out something I want I don't even acknowledge her as a human being."

"How did skeletons send each other letters in the days of the Wild West? By Bony Express."

"Imagine us waiting for 2017 but out comes 2016S"

"""Hey kids, you like candy?"" I said to my own kids, luring them into my van so I could get them to school and be at work on time."