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Joke of the Day

"It's illegal to tie your children to things but you can basically do the same by buying them a phone with a short charger and a bad battery."

"I just got back from my best friend's funeral. He died after being hit on the head with a tennis ball. It was a lovely service."

"Sometimes it is very important if a sentence was said by a man or a woman. . A good example: ""I used a whole pack of tissues during that awesome movie yesterday..."

"My son just complained about how far the guy in his video game has to walk. We take our lazy seriously around here."

"When the pilot says, ""This is your captain speaking,"" I like to brush the hair from his eyes and whisper, ""This is your passenger listening"""

"Muhammad Ali walks into a bar So Muhammad Ali walks into a bar and orders a drink. He gives the bartender ceramic money. The Bartender says ""I can't accept this your Cash Is Clay"""

"What's the difference between a dog barking at the front door and a woman screaming at the back door? If you let the dog in, it will shut up."

"Why can't bicycles stand on their own? They are two tired."

"After a tornado tore through town, thankfully no one was hurt. The trees were stripped bare, though. God breathed a sigh of releaf."

"[bedroom] TRANSFORMER WIFE: Honey, this is silly. I'd never cheat on you. TRANSFORMER HUSBAND: Okay....hey, when did we get that wardrobe?"