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Joke of the Day

"Sometimes it is very important if a sentence was said by a man or a woman. . A good example: ""I used a whole pack of tissues during that awesome movie yesterday..."

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"Two peanuts walk into an elevator One was Ray Rice and the other was assaulted."
"look son... rome wasnt built in Ade!! rome was built in I-TA-LY. do u even kno where Ade is?! A-FRI-CA. AFRICA. how r u goimg to pass school"
"What do authors do when they are being chased? They make like Dr. Jekyll and Hyde!"
"I want to be a father someday But my son says I should start now"
"Whats the difference between a dead baby and a bag of cocaine? Eric Clapton would never let a bag of cocaine fall out the window"
"""I'm gonna look to my left and run as fast as I can."" - Toddlers"
"Interviewer: says here you're a sniper Me [opening gun case]: affirmative Interviewer: is that a Supersoaker with a Pringles can taped to it"
"I'm just typing some words in a box for you to look at."
"""Maybe connect two monocles together? Pretty good idea. I have to write this down."" - the guy that invented the pen"