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Joke of the Day

"Wife: Can you check the dryer? Me: You put a check in the dryer? Don't you know money laundering is illegal?"

"just got mad that firefox was telling me that satan was spelled wrong but turns out it just wanted me to capitalize it and show some RESPECT"

"What do you call the German word for Vaseline? Derweinerslider"

"I really think Hillary Clinton will be the first f president Oops. I meant female but the emale got deleted"

"What do prisoners used to talk to each other in jail? Cell Phones."

"Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex? Because they have cotton balls."

"How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? None, there's no need for a lightbulb with a glass ceiling."

"My girlfriend is sick of me pretending that I'm a lockpicker. Girlfriend: ""I'm sick of you pretending you're a lockpicker. We should break it off."" Me: ""But then it might get stuck inside the lock!"""

"People who are mad that we don't have hoverboards yet are VERY forgiving of the fact that we still have, like, racism."

"A new energy drink called F5 just came out, It's super refreshing!"