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Joke of the Day

"You haven't seen a woman overreact until you've told a woman she's overreacting."

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"My friends call me Superman, not because I help people, its because I wear the same clothes everyday"
"Why does the monster act wild and crazy on his birthday? He's trying to age disgracefully!"
"Before I go into a job interview, I always dump Gatorade over my head so everyone knows I'm a winner."
"Girls always tell me I'm a chick magnet... ...set to repel."
"Chuck Norris can land a plane in Auto Pilot."
"4yo doctor visit: Doc: no more than 30 mins for 4yo on the iPad. I'd rather he play with mud. Me: .. Wife:.. Me: where do u download mud?"
"Last night I watched a great U.S. Olympic Trials semifinal match that featured Sylvester Stallone vs Joey Lawrence in a Pronunciation game."
"It doesn't matter if you come third in the water olympics... All dives matter."
"How long is a meter in Spain? A Spanard"