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Joke of the Day

"i didnt give that homeless guy money because his beard wasnt up to my standards. clean your act up homeless guy"

"A grasshopper walks into a bar... ...the bartender glances at him and says: ""Hey! We got a drink here named after you!"" And the grasshopper says ""What, Larry?"""

"Jews are lazy... ... essentially a group of people who couldn't be bothered to read the sequel. -Will Bailey (Cambridge footlights)"

"Before he was a footballer, Messi used to be a stand-up comedian He had to quit because his jokes kept flying over the audience's heads."

"You'd think being in a pickle would be a good thing."

"An old woman and pizza delivery are a lot alike... They both ""come"" with a crust filled box."

"A black guy walks into a bar with a beautiful parrot on his shoulder. ""Wow,"" says the bartender. ""That is really something. Where'd you get it?"" ""Africa,"" says the parrot."

"Why wouldn't the sow let her piglets play with toads? She didn't want them to grow into wart hogs."

"How to get laid: HAHAHA you guys thought I get laid for a second there."

"So a robot walked into a bar and beat up a man with a bottle... ...he was charged with battery. I'm so sorry."