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Joke of the Day

"Jews are lazy... ... essentially a group of people who couldn't be bothered to read the sequel. -Will Bailey (Cambridge footlights)"

"If you want to know who is really man's best friend, Put your dog and your wife in the trunk of your car, come back an hour later, open the trunk, and see which one is happy to see you."

"""Knock knock."" ""Who is there?"" ""The pilot, open this damn door"""

"What does a lonely pepper do? Gets jalapeno business."

"Have you guys heard about the new restaurant on the moon? Early critics say the food is good, but there's no atmosphere."

"what do you call the act of masturbation before you sleep? the stroke of midnight."

"[highschool reunion] CLASSMATE: I'm a top chef. You? ME: I'm an avoca C: a what M: an avoca C: what's an avoca do M: a top chef would know"

"""FUCK. It's only lettuce."" - What my dog thinks when I drop lettuce on the floor"

"Had great idea for site for recent law grads called BarelyLegal .com. Turns out name was already taken. And their idea was much better."

"We all hold our hand out for help in this life. The goal should be to have your palm down more often than up."