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Joke of the Day

"gettin prety good at makin baloon animals, so far i can make: - a snake - worm - eel - dog, hot - 2 snakes"

"My girlfriend told me she loses Mortal Kombat matches on purpose. She said it's the only time I finish her."

"What is a store for dogs called? A Superbarket"

"""Fluffy died today"" ""Oh my god I'm so sorry, was he a cat or dog? ""He was a boa constrictor"" ""Well that made me feel better"""

"What's the difference between an egg and a root? You can beat an egg, but you can't beet a root!"

"Whats the difference between peanut butter and Jam? (NSFW) You cant peanut butter your d*ck up someones ass"

"Your family tree must be a cactus ... Because everyone on it is a prick."

"If you receive a text from Liam Neeson that says ""LMAO,"" it stands for ""let's murder Albanians overseas"" and he wants his daughter back."

"Fuck! I have to fly to California to prevent a forest fire. THIS IS TOO MUCH RESPONSIBILITY!"

"How many coffees before I stop looking for shirts in my refrigerator"