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Joke of the Day

"twitter getting rid of the 140-character limit is a bad idea. the ability to say what you need to say in as few words as possible is (1/533)"

"I'm always Frank with my partners. I don't want them knowing my real name now do I?"

"""I don't have time for this shit!"" I thought, as I sat on the toilet, angry, and late for work."

"A survey recently revealed that 50% of people shit in the shower, do you know what the other 50% do? I didn't think so you filthy twat!"

"At a family gathering of Rednecks, NEVER say ""come at me bro"""

"How can you tell retarded kids form the art students? Retards don't wear Black."

"[while titanic is sinking] me: [mouth full of shrimp at the buffet] I can't believe no one is eating these lol"

"Do I have friends? Are we allowed to count the enemies of my enemies? Then yes, I have a bunch of friends."

"If you love someone, throw your earbuds at them. There's a good chance they'll be entangled in them and won't be able to run."

"I was just reading about the Volkswagen fiasco recently, and something puzzled me. It's not like Germans to get gas emissions wrong."