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Joke of the Day

"I don't believe my friend's story about the time he fit a whole watermelon up his ass. It's just too much of a stretch."

"What do you want to eat a week after thanksgiving? Anything but fucking turkey..."

"Do you ever have the urge to eat something right in front of you? Anyways, that's how I lost my job as a gynaecologist..."

"What did the baby dolphin do when he didn't get his way? He whale-d"

"i am developing a ground brekaing new app called ""MOneyWallet"", where you earn ""Money Points"" by mailing cash to my house"

"If science is so great why hasn't it invented chocolate that has negative calories?"

"So I went over to my uncle with a lisp's house He asked me ""hey d-do you w-w-want a d-d-dee-dee-d-d-d-deep-deep-d-deeeeeep freezer?"" I replied: ""Noo thanks buddy that's too deep for me"" [EDIT] Fuck."

"It could be the Vodka talking but I used to be a potato."

"My pig stepped on a land mind under a tree... Now I have a porky pine."

"Apparently, ""I just assumed"" is a horrible answer when your wife asks you why you bought her the ""heavy flow"" tampons."