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Joke of the Day

"Apparently, ""I just assumed"" is a horrible answer when your wife asks you why you bought her the ""heavy flow"" tampons."

"Start with the answer. What's an easy way to ruin a good joke?"

"Why did the hipster burn his mouth on the pizza? Because he was eating it before it was cool."

"Some of you should be ashamed of yourselves. You know who you are. I probably should be too, but this isn't about me."

"How long is a Chinese man Seriously, he is."

"In soviet Russia, shop boys pet you! You're welcome."

"Why did helium get into a fight with neon? They can't bond with each other, no matter how hard they try."

"Being Santa sounds easy... (NSFW) I've got plenty of experience emptying my sack into socks."

"What does a suicidal multiple personality say every morning? If I don't kill myself soon, I will!"

"Someone asked me if it's true that all the women I've made love to have been depressed I said, ""That depends...do you mean before or after?"""