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Joke of the Day

"Women may have claimed the $20 bill... But men still have all the common cents."

"How does a black women tell she is pregnant? When she pulls the tampon out and the cotton is already picked."

"Have you heard of that family fun game Beat the Parents? Talk about a double standard."

"Mom: When I was your age I never had sex Me: Mom, I'm 32 Mom: Exactly"

"I showed up later to dinner yesterday because I was baking a turkey. I'm the turkey. Il see myself to the kitchen table."

"[Classroom in 2064] Student: So how did the war start? Teacher: Well you see, Seth Rogen and James Franco made a movie.."

"Last night I dreamed I was eating a pillow When I woke up, my 10 pound marshmallow was gone."

"[skydiving with my dog] Me: ur ears r inside out My dog: can't hear u my ears r inside out Me: it's the wind My dog: I think it's the wind"

"The junkie tried but couldn't quit All of his efforts were in vein"

"Did you hear about the narcoleptic, necrophiliac mortician? He fell asleep in the job."