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Joke of the Day

"I have an EpiPen A man lying on the roadside gave it to me as he was dying. It seemed very important to him that I have it."

"Why has no one invented a device where I can move myself around from place to place while lying in a hammock? I remember when we used to make stuff in this lazy country!"

"The fastest way to get karma is... ...is to make someone think they are learning how to get karma"

"I always pretend I've never had the samples at Costco. ""What's this? Bagel Bites? Combining bagel & pizza into one?? Now this I GOTTA TRY!"""

"What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells? Pregnant."

"Why couldn't Stevie Wonder see his friends? Because he was married."

"The Joker is in a room with Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump, and has a gun with one bullet, who does he shoot? Neither. Some men just want to watch the world burn."

"I love a girl with a trimmed bush.... Only because its makes it easier to see her through the window at night."

"How does Google celebrate its birthday? With a search party."

"Where did little Suzzie go after the explosion? Everywhere."