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Joke of the Day

"How do Polish dogs get bumps on their heads? Chasing parked cars."

"Last night, I was laying in my bed, looking up the stars as I thought to my self.. Where the fuck is my roof??"

"What do tofu and dildos have in common? They serve as makeshift substitutes for people who have forsaken meat."

"A sniper looks over a large crowd of people from his hidden perch. Over his earpiece, he is told to fire at will. He carefully spots his target, and shoots. ""Crap, that wasn't Will."""

"I went out to the shop earlier to buy a book called ""101 ways to improve your confidence"". I couldn't buy it though, the cashier would have laughed at me......"

"What do you call a blind German? A nat-zee"

"Life is not like a box of chocolates. It's more like not being allowed to leave the table until you finish your brussels sprouts."

"To a struggling artist: ""Don't give up... ...the day job."""

"Translated from danish: 2 drunk sits in a bar. One says: My dog keeps chasing people on a bicycle..... The other guy things for a bit then replies: Then why don't you take the bicycle from it?.... (c:"

"If you're wondering at what age you'll stop messing up your life know that it's not 40 and apparently not 50 either."