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Joke of the Day

"Last night, I was laying in my bed, looking up the stars as I thought to my self.. Where the fuck is my roof??"

"What song did Scar sing when he fixed his car horn? Beep repaired..."

"Why don't golf courses ever serve sandwiches? They always turn out to be sub par."

"The most disappointing moment of my adult life was when I found out a vaporizer is an e-cigarette and not a death ray that vaporizes people."

"What gets harder as you beat it? A penis."

"My right eye has been twitching for over a week! Know what that means, someone's been thinking of me so much they're giving me a stroke!"

"I lost my job performing circumcisions I just couldn't cut it."

"Someone once said, ""Find a job you love and you'll never work a day in your life."" So, I'm pleased to announce the grand opening of my titty squeezing business!!"

"Atheism is a non-prophet organization."

"You haven't Instagramed what you had for dinner yet? Please hurry up, the suspense is killing me."